So, after about several weeks on and off going back and forth with the FBI, the local police department, discussing with my therapist, and the new lawyer that I’m meeting with soon, they are now all on the same page and the FBI is now opening an active investigation soon to help me find the cyber-stalker who framed me and stole my identity to commit various illegal crimes while he was using my name to get the entire fucking internet pissed off at me.
I’m also submitting restraining orders and cease-and-desist orders to several people (not going to name names here), now that they’re about to be finalized, notarized and officially signed by me, the lawyer and a judge to be delivered and submitted so that they can stop for a while, be quiet and just wait – like, ACTUALLY WAIT, until the real culprit(s) has been arrested, and the KiwiFarms white supremacists/TERFs has also been arrested, and then we can start addressing the remaining issues left to be resolved after that.
I’m pretty exhausted, traumatized and dealing with so much, and being accused of things I never actually did online, which really pissed me off, because that fucking asshole stole my identity for years and did all sorts of very horrible and illegal things, and he also contacted minors (like, underage minors) and did so while using and assuming my identity, and it made me sick to my core, because I was raped and abused by a pedophile (my stepfather, Chad Aubrey Campbell, and by the way, according to the state of Texas’s laws about the statue of limitations, there are NO LIMITS, and I can go ahead and file charges to get him in prison finally, so my stepfather is going to jail – hell, yes!) when I was a little kid, barely even 5 years old at the time, and it enrages me when someone out there who steals my identity is doing this horrible shit to little kids. I mean, fucking little kids! What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY??? SERIOUSLY!
Anyway, the FBI believes they have pinpointed a possible location on the cyber-stalker, and are still working on the court orders to get warrants for not just his arrest, but the entire KiwiFarms website and all its members that has not only doxxed and harmed me, but harmed so many other people who was also targeted. I had to delete my Twitter, my Instagram, my official YouTube channel and my Facebook page for safety and security reasons until the cyber-stalker is finally arrested, and I also removed the mailing list feature on this website/blog, as well as my official October Evans website and my official Deaf Gamer Grrrl website, because I just found out that he tried to illegally add and spam people to mailing lists and sign them up for websites that are definitely not okay to do, by the way, and he did so while still stealing my identity and so forth. When this is over, we still have to address the following issues:
- Firstly, I wanted to clarify something – the situation with me and Ana, that will BE RESOLVED PEACEFULLY and most definitely without courts. There will be an out of court settlement/agreement and a conflict resolution meeting at some point in the near future soon, and a lot of therapy for not just me, but for Ana as well, separately of course, and allowing the two therapists (Ana’s therapist and my therapist) to eventually correspond to one another and maybe, just maybe, resolve this properly, to a point where I know I will not be forgiven for what happened between me and Ana, but at least get some closure, heal and do better. I wanted to say this – I do have the best intentions and my heart is always in the right place when I try to do the best I can to help people, and yes, I do say the wrong things and do the wrong things at the wrong time and at the wrong places in my life, but it’s always coming from the kindness and goodness of my heart, and I’m very socially awkward, and not always the best person and I’m imperfectly human and will answer for that, and keep doing the hard work to improve that so that it doesn’t happen again with misunderstandings, mistakes, miscommunications, etc. – so for all the mistakes that I might make in the future and the mistakes I’ve already made, I am truly apologetic about that and will continue to do better and make it worth the journey to work through it and live my amends. I also, however, will not forgive Ana for accusing me of things that I hadn’t actually done on the internet, and I never intended to stalk her or anything of the sort – I merely was trying to reach out and wanted to make peace and let Ana know that I am doing the best I can to make things okay and yes, I understand that Ana may not want to be my friend anymore, and yes, I said some things on text messages that should’ve been clarified a little better, and yes, I should’ve done things differently, and while I am not making excuses for what happened in the car or in the kitchen, I do want to clarify that I didn’t punch the fridge – I actually was trying to close it, and didn’t get really upset at Ana for that; I was just frustrated because I was worried about the food going bad overnight since the door didn’t close all the way, and my friend Thomas who stayed here at the same time as Ana did, witnessed all that, and can attest to that, and as for what happened in the car, I didn’t actually hit the dashboard, and if I did, it was more like a slap, and I was having issues with my right leg when I was driving, because something was wrong with the nerves and I was actually trying to pull over, and when I was trying to find a place to sit down and do my work for the day on my laptop, Ana was asleep, and I was trying to ask her to see if she could move her feet a little bit, but I realized that was a boundary violation now and I took responsibility for that and everything else. As for the “duct tape” scenario, that was actually for me and my Domme/Mistress at the time, who I was doing Skype sessions with at, so if that made Ana uncomfortable, I truly am sorry.
- Secondly, there’s a lot of things I wish I could’ve communicated very clearly, and also, Ana did know why I left the hospital for that appointment that day – I told her that the hospital “forgot” to get a interpreter and fucked up the appointment time/date and everything, and Ana drove off with me and yelled at the hospital when that happened, so I don’t know why she would change the story when in fact, I told her exactly what happened at the hospital about the interpreter situation and the appointment time/date for my colonoscopy, which, by the way, is now being rescheduled later this year at a different location and much better interpreter services/access. And by the way, Ana said she was not comfortable with men, and she knew that I had plans with my friend Thomas, and I mentioned it in advance, so either she forgot or I might’ve not clarified everything – I don’t know, but I want to say something about Thomas – Thomas is actually a gay cis man who is autistic and a really cool guy and a really good friend of mine who I’ve known for years, so if Ana has a problem with cis gay men (and maybe trans men), then I don’t want Ana around my trans friends or my cis gay friends at all. All my friends are trans men, trans women, non-binary folks and cis gay/lesbian people, so I’m not entirely comfortable with the fact that she said that about my friend Thomas. She could’ve told me directly instead of starting drama. I would’ve resolved this peacefully. Regardless, I still take responsibility for all the mistakes and actions I’ve made, and I just wanted to clarify my side of the story and my perspective and end this peacefully between us before moving on.
- Now…. thirdly, there is a situation between me and Mistress Salem that was technically resolved, and still needs some clarification on what really did happen at the time. And also, about my suicide post I made in regards to my plans originally to hang myself in front of Mistress Salem’s house. Salem did not know that I was still traumatized from what the cyber-stalker did to me, and that I was still traumatized from Salem was not really supposed to do, which was to go near my face with a violet wand, and again, had I communicated clearly, and being a deaf submissive model in the porn/sex work industry or in the BDSM lifestyle is not very easy, because there’s not ASL access or interpreter access at all, and no way to fully understand what Salem would have said to me, and I don’t always rely on lip reading and that’s been my biggest problem – not understanding what hearing people say to me all the time, and it did unfortunately lead to communication issues my entire life, even way before Salem, and led me down a journey where I could’ve done things differently and not make the mistakes that I made with hearing people, especially with wonderful people like Salem. I also was still traumatized from being homeless all the time and traveling for years, and I really wanted some stability and some housing, and that should not excuse what happened between me and Salem. Now, I want to bring up some important points about that situation, along with the Valerie Paige situation, which I’m going to discuss next later, but first, I do want to clarify this – I still am sorry for what happened between me, Ana, Salem and Valerie Paige, and of course, Chiaroscuro Siren. I’ll get to that in a minute. And also, what also triggered me is the fact that I didn’t know that Salem was drinking some sort of alcohol (I’m guessing wine or champagne) and smoking weed (maybe; could’ve been cigarettes or doing some sort of marijuana dabs) and while I am fine with marijuana products of all sorts (I’m a medical marijuana client/patient myself), I am not fine with performers or Dommes drinking or smoking or doing any kind of “recreational drugs” before, during and AFTER shooting film content together. And most importantly, ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS ask for a model release form/contract in advance and definitely do everything sober. That really triggered me and got me pretty upset, so it’s one of the biggest reasons why I left the porn/sex work industry in general, because certain boundaries were violated against me, I didn’t feel safe, and I couldn’t understand what most people were saying to me anyway, even with a hearing aid and lip reading skills (which isn’t 100% guaranteed), and of course, the lack of ethical standards with not providing model release forms/contracts in ADVANCE is definitely concerning for a lot of independent models/performers and so-called “indie” porn studios that are growing or starting out, etc. – you have GOT TO HAVE contracts/release forms; otherwise, that’s a red flag if you don’t have it! And DO EVERY DAMN SCENE SOBER! THANK YOU. That’s all I wanted to say about that. Moving on…
- Fourthly: Valerie Paige – while she does have a diagnosis of DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder – not sure if I spelled that correctly), which can lead to fragmented memories with split/multiple personalities and alters, like what Valerie has, she didn’t have the model release form in advance like I asked, and she did actually email me the film content that we did together, and we both texted and emailed each other with explicit details and permission to upload our content on all of our own separate porn stores/platforms, so therefore, Valerie most definitely didn’t remember everything properly, and while I did make mistakes on Twitter DMs about trying to set up gigs for her to help her out with more shoots and help her build her studio company more, which again, a total miscommunication on my part and a huge mistake that I made, I still wish I could’ve done things differently with Valerie as well. So I do remember everything and exactly what happened, and the same goes for Ana, Salem and soon to be discussed, Chiaroscuro Siren. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING. Every detail. I know exactly where I was, what I said, what I actually did do, etc., so thanks to the EMDR therapy and the trauma therapy work I’ve been doing, I was able to remember everything and provide a consistent and clear timeline thus far. So no, I am not “schizophrenic” like some people said on Twitter. I am actually and always have been and always will be, until I’m fully healed, diagnosed with C-PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder, SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), a dual diagnosis (which means I’m struggling with mental health issues and staying sober/clean at the same time), Depression and Gender Dysphoria. It’s been that way my entire life, and has no intentions of changing anytime soon. Don’t believe me? Call my therapist. Call my psychiatrist. Call my psychologist. I dare you. There are NO personality disorders in my records, no traits of so-called “sociopathy” or “psychopathy” in my records either, and I’ve been thoroughly tested repeatedly over and over to prove it and to prove my innocence, so please, SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR GODDAMN THEORIES AND RUMORS ABOUT ME. YOU DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. HA HA HA HA. Now, drop it. End of discussion on my mental health. MOVE THE FUCK ON.
- Fifthly, in regards to what actually did happened between me and Chiaroscuro Siren – what caused them to kick me out was the fact that I was asleep one night and that I had a C-PTSD moment while asleep and had a nightmare about my biological father who was abusing me in my nightmare. I woke up screaming, and it scared Siren, and that’s when I left. Siren and I hadn’t talked in years, and I don’t intend on doing so anymore. I tried being friends with Siren several times, but unfortunately, Siren was just too toxic, and while I was accountable for what happened that night and tried to explain that I had C-PTSD and that they (Siren’s pronouns are she/they) wouldn’t accept that, which actually did happen, I no longer felt comfortable around them. My friend, Griff, who also lived in the same house, who I still occasionally stay in touch with, but not very often – he believed Siren was pretty toxic and didn’t really feel comfortable around them. To clarify, the house was actually the property of the Baltimore Free Farm collective, and Siren has since then moved out, and apparently, some people had problems with Siren there too, so I guess it was proof all along that I was telling the truth, and that even though Siren and I both took responsibility for both of our actions, they were the most toxic, and took advantage of my deafness, took more of my money that I made teaching the ASL class/workshop that I hosted at the collective, and was just really using me and took advantage of me. I never went back and I never stayed in touch with Siren anymore. Regardless, I still take responsibility for what happened that night when I woke up screaming from my nightmare. That is something I take full accountability for, so just to clarify. Anyway, moving on now…
- And lastly… I wanted to discuss something really important about the deaf community, the LGBTIQQA+ community and all other marginalized communities and how easily manipulated and influenced they can be by white supremacists/TERFs to turn against each other and to turn against innocent people who actually had done nothing to them, thus causing said innocent people to leave said communities and no longer feel safe and just become completely isolated. This is going to be a very important topic to discuss, so let’s get right into it…
Okay, the communities that I had aforementioned above… I’ve been a part of those communities for a long time now, and I had done wonderful things for said communities and of course, for my friends, family, loved ones, allies, my fans/supporters/subscribers, etc., and I would never actually harm a human being, let alone harass or stalk anyone on the Internet – I actually do NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME, and even if I did, I still think it’s illegal, immoral, wrong, sickening, criminal and very harmful to do such horrible and hateful things online like what the cyber-stalker did. I always go to sleep at a specific hour, and I am never online during the hours that the cyber-stalker targets people. And even during the day, I’m actually outdoors, riding my bicycle, or going shopping or going to doctor’s appointments or working on my projects/content, etc. – I am never home all day, and even though there is a pandemic, and I am now fully vaccinated, I still wear two masks, wash my hands, shower a fair bit, wash my clothes, clean everything up and wipe everything down, etc., before and after I leave and return home, and I am too busy to even bother talking to any of you on the Internet. And I’ve been considering giving up my privacy and my life online to prove my innocence and document my every move, activity, etc., but what good would that do? You still won’t believe me anyway, so that needs to end, with all your slander/libel and all your bullshit. Please stop jumping to conclusions with your “crab theories” (that’s the deaf community’s term and version of “conspiracy theories”) about me, and actually do the research and actually look at the cyber-stalker’s IP address(es) and see how he bounces around a lot, and how I am always right here in Vermont with the SAME FUCKING IP address I’ve had for years, and even when I moved here permanently with my own apartment for the first time, and even when I was traveling all over America for 10 years homeless since losing my wife and daughter to untimely demises of their own, I had no access to the Internet, no access to social media of any sort, etc. until about 2014, and I have proof of that too.
I have videos, photos, files, data, etc. proving which internet accounts were actually mine and which were fake and not mine and were actually created by the cyber-stalker himself and which were hacked and used to send spam/malicious content to innocent and wonderful people when he (and possibly other KiwiFarms members) hacked into old accounts and stole so much information and made it look like I did all that horrible shit, when in fact, I didn’t. If you wanted the proof, the evidence, all of it – all you had to do was ask me directly. But no; you jumped to conclusions and you attacked me wrongfully and slandered me and destroyed my life’s works, my reputation, everything I worked hard for, and accused me of things I didn’t actually do. With that in mind, that brings me to my next point:
Remember earlier how I mentioned that white supremacists/TERFs, especially those from 4chan/8chan/9chan/QAnon/KiwiFarms/Parler/Gab, etc. can somehow influence your entire community or communities and get you all to turn against each other, and eventually go after a innocent person who actually in fact didn’t do anything wrong? The same shit happened when Chloe Sagal was targeted and then she committed suicide. The same shit happened when other trans women were targeted and they were either murdered or committed suicide or worse. It’s literally straight out of the Alt-Right Playbook, and they always look for ways to get away with everything illegal that they have done to try to pin it on someone innocent and then you, the community, any community really, turn against that innocent someone, such as Chloe Sagal, and even against me.
With that being said, it is a major problem in all of your communities, especially the deaf community and the LGBTIQQA+ community and it is something that needs to be addressed immediately before it gets worse, before another life ends, before another life is taken far too soon from us, or before my life ends. In the event of assassination/murder, or if I was brutally victimized in a violent transgender hate crime or if I committed suicide, you will know why – it all had to do with white supremacists/TERFs from such platforms influencing all of your communities to turn against me, just like you turned against Chloe, just like you turned against all others who deserved far much better community support than what you’ve given them. Social media is not meant to be toxic; it’s meant to be enjoyed, to be able to connect with people of various interests and to make lifelong, lasting friendships and professional or personal relationships with everyone you meet along the way. It was never meant to be a corrupt haven for the Dark Webs, or for white supremacists/TERFs to run amok and destroy our once-favorited and now no-longer-safe social media platforms (yeah, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitch, Twitter, TikTok, etc. – the list is endless), and had led you all astray.
I remember a time when social media wasn’t very toxic; it was a good way to promote our art, our music, our films, our content, our comedy skits, our vlogs, basically anything we do creatively/artistically/musically, etc., and I even remember a time before social media when I actually grew up without the internet, and it was a good life. Wanted to know how I “checked in” with my friends at a place nearby before Facebook was created and offered that status update feature where you could go like, “Hey, I’m checking in at the Hard Rock cafe with my buddies; come hang out! WOOHOO!” (whatever, Rob! Yeah, Rob, seriously, shut up – that’s just so lame)? Well, look at this picture below:
This is how we used to “check in” before social media. In fact, according to research, data and statistics that I looked up, I was actually officially part of the LAST GENERATION to grow up without social media, without the internet and most importantly, without you, and without a cyber-stalker trying to frame me when he stole my identity. My life, even the relationship I had with my late wife and my wonderful late daughter (who I never actually posted a picture of my entire life, and never will ever do so; the cyber-stalker stole a picture of my sister’s kid somehow and hacked into my account and pretended to be me to make it look like I did that), was way better before social media. I did not even have a fancy smartphone or even a iPhone before 2014. The only shitty phone I had was a flip-phone and a Sidekick, and I actually liked the Sidekick better. And I had very little social media presence, and I mean VERY LITTLE prior to 2014. In fact, I had little to no internet until 2014, anyway! So with that in mind, you should consider the fact that perhaps you all need to unplug from social media and unwind, free your minds and see the truth that I’ve been trying to tell you from day fucking one about the cyber-stalker.
Here’s a list that proves you all need a social media break, even Paris Glass and Ana and everyone else, and even you too, Ben. You all do. Stop jumping to conclusions, because it’s what they want, and it’s how cyber-stalkers and white supremacists/TERFs win by getting you all to turn against each other and to turn against me, so therefore, you need to straighten out your priorities and start thinking a little more clearly. So yeah, go take your social media breaks; perhaps PERMANENTLY. I know I am.
Also, I do not plan on accepting your apologies anytime soon when the cyber-stalker is finally arrested and my innocence is proven and the FBI helps me out with getting that asshole arrested and I finally can relax. My plan for what’s next after all this is over? Deleting social media permanently. No more Twitter, no more Facebook, no more Instagram, and DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY NO MORE TikTok. I might keep YouTube just to upload content from time to time and promote my music, art, deaf comedy skits, etc., and I might, MIGHT (and this is a big if) relaunch my Facebook someday, but I highly doubt that. I will still keep my websites for my art/music/poetry/comedy skits, and for the Deaf Gamer Grrrl platform, and will definitely delete A Deaf Grrrl’s Journey to Truth, Justice and Peace (all presences related to Truth, Justice and Peace) – the official website/blog and its podcast series, and I definitely will keep my Patreon. And obviously, I will still have Twitch so I can share my gaming content and my behind-the-scenes live-streams of cool updates about my music that I’m working on (similar to what Mike Shinoda is doing on Twitch but of course, with all my own original content/music/etc.) and do some cool stuff from time to time on Twitch, but that’s about it. I’ll still have a phone number for my true friends/allies to text me at, and a private/secure mailing list for supporters/subscribers, and of course, if and when I return to social media someday, it’s mostly just to promote and release everything I’ve done creatively content-wise and then lock it down and keep it online but not post anymore so that you all know the awesome content that I’ve created with music, art, poetry, my deaf comedy skits, my new indie films I’m working on, my vlog webisodes and all the cool things I’m doing with my life, etc. I deserve justice for what the cyber-stalker did, and I definitely deserve peace and quiet when he is arrested and everything is finally over.
But most importantly, I do not want to return to any of your communities anymore. I’m forming my own; a mix of true friends, family, loved ones, subscribers/fans/allies, etc., and do this the old fashioned way with organic, natural growth, and maybe, just maybe consider the possibility of a return to Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/TikTok to share with the rest of the world what I’ve been working on as of late, and catch you up on what you missed out on, and you do not deserve my updates or my content at all. To be honest, you have betrayed my trust, you hurt me and you didn’t believe me when I told you that there was a cyber-stalker impersonating me. So with that being said, your communities need to change for the better before I even consider returning ever again. I don’t want to accept your apologies, and I sure as hell don’t want you in my life anymore if you’re going to be that toxic. Now, with that being said, I hope this finds you well and reminds you to get some peace and go after the real culprits and stop targeting me for things I never actually did nor said. I’ve been providing evidence since day one and you still refuse to believe me, so fuck you all. Fuck you to the deaf community, fuck you to the LGBTIQQA+ community, and fuck you to everyone else who betrayed me and didn’t believe me. Fuck you all. I stand alone with my true friends, my true allies/supporters and my true community – BETTER WITHOUT YOU. I hope you see the truth someday. If not… then it’s truly too late for you. The FBI is already helping me find him. So is my lawyer, and so is the local police department that submitted the reports for me on my behalf and gave it to the FBI. You need to stop and go the fuck away and leave me alone. Leave my friends alone. Leave my family alone. Leave my loved ones, fans and supporters alone. And to the cyber-stalker, we are coming to find you and arrest you. You cannot run or hide forever. You will answer for what you did to me, what you did to over 30+ victims and what you did to King Midas, Ana, Paris Glass and everyone else that you have harmed.
And you will not be forgiven. You will be locked away and rot in solitude in that prison, and you will never ever harm me again. As for all white supremacists/TERFs, we are taking you down. You better start running and try to hide, if you can. We’re coming for you. Karma is coming for you.
Okay, I’ve said what I needed to say, and I’ve shared my updates, my good news and so forth. Thank you for your support, thank you for believing in the truth and thank you for being here for me through this difficult time ahead. Take care, be safe and I hope this ends soon when we finally get him arrested.